Stop me if this sounds familiar: Your plan period has just started, and your room is blissfully quiet. You have a stack of detention notices to your left, and your room phone to your right. You know you have to contact parents.
But every time you think about reaching for the phone, you just…freeze.
You’re not alone. Contacting parents, especially as a new teacher, can tie your stomach into knots.
Let’s look at some behind the scenes tips to really break this down. (Then you have to stop procrastinating and make the phone call, ok?)
Why Parent Communication Matters
It’s important to know the “why” behind the educational choices you make. This applies to deciding what lesson to teach, which homework to assign, and yes, how to contact parents.
The truth is, parents are an important part of student success.
One of my teacher friends describes teaching like a tricycle.
The student is the front wheel.
Teachers are one back wheel. Parents are the other.
If parents aren’t involved, teachers are doing all the work. This leads to exhaustion, burnout, and a student just going around in a circle.
How Can I Get Parents on My Side as a New Teacher?
We can agree that involved parents leads to benefits for both the teacher and the student, right?
But now comes the hard part: actually getting parents on your side. Especially as a new teacher, contacting parents is never easy.
I remember my own first year. I think I made two parent contacts…because my principal made me.
Here are some things I wish I’d known about how to contact parents as a new teacher.
Make Positive Contact First
The teacher-parent relationship is like a bank. If you put money (positive contact) in first, the withdrawal (behavior concerns or disciplinary actions) goes a lot smoother.
Important note: It’s never too late to contact families for positive reasons. Even if you’re reading this in April, start tomorrow. Contact 3 families and tell them how amazing their child is.
Trust me, it will go a long way towards building strong home-school partnerships.
Make Positive Contact Often
Continuing with the bank analogy, the more positives you put in, the more you’ll have to pull from if something goes sideways.
By making an effort to see the positives in your students – and then to share those observations – you’re reassuring parents that you see their child as more than just a name on a roster.
You care about them, and you’re invested in their success.
Pro Tip #1: If you know you’re going to get a student with a reputation next year or next trimester, make a point to send positive messages home about that student early in the year. Most students are on their best behavior when school starts, so you should have plenty of observations to make before the student’s true colors come out.
Pro Tip #2: I like keeping a class list of students and the positive notes I’ve observed and sent. That way I don’t accidentally skip someone! You can find a Positive Comment Tracker in this Student Behavior Trackers bundle.
Send Updates as Often as You Can
These parent contact updates might be a quick debrief after a field trip (“I was so impressed by how well these students behaved. The museum workers even commented on how respectful they were!”) or a quick individual note after a hard assignment or project.
(Pro Tip: Collect a few general comments, then mix and match them to personalize.)
I did that when my students started a debate unit. They were 8th graders, and decidedly less than thrilled that I was making them stand in front of their classmates and talk.
After each student presented their debate, I sent a personal note home expressing how proud I was that they got up and did it.
Parent responses were overwhelmingly positive and appreciative, and the next week, students didn’t complain quite so much about having to debate again.
How to Handle Tough Conversations
Hopefully by now you’re feeling empowered and encouraged about contacting parents. But that doesn’t help with those stacks of detentions you still have to assign, does it?
Unfortunately, sometimes you do have to make not-so-positive parent contact.
Pro Tip: Make sure you have documentation and evidence for these conversations. If Stuart has a detention because he wrote an inappropriate word on his desk, be ready to tell the parents what the word was, when Stuart wrote it, how you know he wrote it, and his response when you asked him to clean it off. Parents will appreciate that you’re not just trying to “get” their kid in trouble, but that you have facts and evidence to back up the consequence you’re assigning.
In the case of these difficult conversations, scripts and templates can help. They won’t slow your racing heart or dry your sweaty palms, but they’ll give you a starting point to open the conversation.
Here are some examples to get you started:
- Good afternoon. This is [your name], [student]’s teacher. I wanted to talk to you about [student]’s behavior today in class.
- Hello. I’m [your name], and I have [student] in [subject] class. I wanted to check in with you about [student]. I’ve noticed that lately…
- Good morning. My name is [your name], and I teach [grade]. I’m following up on [student]’s behavior choices yesterday.
If these scripts sound like a good idea, but also sound like more than you want to write out and memorize, check out the Parent Communication Templates bundle. It has printable templates for positive behaviors, minor behavior concerns, repeated behavior concerns, and a detention notice. There’s also a parent contact tracker to help you keep a paper trail of all communication.
Contacting parents is necessary, but it shouldn’t make you hide under your desk. By sharing positive observations early and often, and by starting conversations with a script, you’ll be able to get parents on your side.
Then together, you can propel the student forward into their next big life adventure.
Are Parent-Teacher Conferences Coming Up? Check Out This 3-Part Guide for New Teachers:
- Part 1: Preparing for Conferences
- Part 2: Running a Parent-Teacher Conference
- Part 3: After the Conference
FAQ
While there’s no hard rule, it’s always better for new teachers to contact parents more frequently instead of waiting until there’s a behavior concern. Ideally, families should hear from you at least once every two weeks.
While it would be great to contact individual families that frequently, the truth is sometimes you just don’t have time. In that case, a whole-class email or post gives families insight into your classroom and tells them that you’re still on their team.
Start by introducing yourself. Don’t assume a parent remembers your name from the one paper they received on Curriculum Night three months ago.
Tell the parent who you are and how you know their child. Is the child in your 4th period math class? Or are you their art teacher? Or do they see you once a week for reading intervention?
Then explain – without judgment – what happened and what consequence the child will face.
Don’t forget to save a note about the conversation. Record details like how you contacted the parent, why you contacted the parent, and what the parent’s response was.
It’s better if you do. Think of the parent-teacher relationship like a bank: It’s easier to withdraw money (give a parent some not-so-positive news about their child’s behavior) if there’s already money (positive goodwill) in the account.
The more you can contact parents with positive stories or even just information about what’s going on in your classroom, the more they’ll feel like they’re on a team with you, and the more supportive they’ll be if you have to have one of those not-so-positive conversations.
Most new teachers start with email because it’s fast, easy, and low-pressure. Email also has the benefit of leaving a paper trail in case you need to pull up a conversation later in the year.
Sometimes phone calls are better for sensitive issues or moments when you want to be sure the parent receives the message.
Some schools also use apps like ClassDojo, Remind, Parent Square, or Seesaw for communication.
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